


Four Words

by NalgeneWhore



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Post-Break Up, aelin and lorcan r besties u cannot change my mind, rowan was really really dumb and did some bad things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:47:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22761199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NalgeneWhore/pseuds/NalgeneWhore
Relationships: Aedion Ashryver/Lysandra, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Rowan Whitethorn, Elide Lochan/Lorcan Salvaterre
Comments: 7
Kudos: 42





	1. Part One

His phone rang, interrupting his midnight run and he answered, his heart racing when he saw Aelin’s name on the screen.

“Ace?”

She hiccuped and he sighed, turning to make his way to the local bar where he knew she would be drunk. “Don’t worry, I’m on my way.”

It had come to be a habit of her, calling the brooding man when she had drank too much. “It—“

“I can’t believe Whitethorn stuck me with you.”

“You’re such a bastard, Lorcan. He left you too.”

He stayed silent at that, knowing that she was truly, truly and irrevocably heartbroken. And so was he.

He didn’t know about Rowan. No one did.

“I know. I’m sorry, Ace. I’m almost there.”

“Ok.” She sniffled, hung up the phone and he started to run the couple blocks until he had reached the bar and saw Aelin, head in her hands as she sat on the curb.

Lorcan kneeled in front of her and gently took one of her hands away. “Hey, Ace. How you feeling?”

The turquoise in her eyes was offset by the red rims, her mascara running with her tears. “Drunk. And like I want to die.”

“I know, A. Can you stand?”

She wobbled as she tried to get to her feet and he caught her, standing her upright.

“Where’s your car, A?”

She mumbled something and leaned against him as she began to stumble her way through the parking lot.

He saw her little vintage Volkswagen beetle and steered her towards it, taking the keys from her when she held them out.

Lorcan opened the passenger door for her and waited until she was semi-seated before striding to the drivers seat and sitting down.

He had just started the car when Aelin spoke, her voice hoarse and broken. “Why did he go, Lor?”

He sighed heavily and pulling out of the spot, turning to look at her. “You know I don’t know that, Ace.”

“I thought he loved me.”

“Me too.”

Aelin just rested her head on her window and looked at the passing streets, the lights of Orynth shining on the tear tracks that ran down her cheeks.

Nobody knew why Rowan had left seven months ago, not even a text message. A post it. On Lorcan’s truck.

A fucking post it message, with four words.

_Tell Aelin I’m sorry._

Lorcan could remember the day he had seen that message and he had gunned through Orynth to his brother’s apartment, stripped down, not a single piece of him left. Except for a picture of the two of them when they had graduated kindergarten. He had called Rowan so many times, going to voicemail each time, near tears when Elide had found him and he cried when he told her.

He had held Aelin when he broke the news and her sobs and screams of agony still rung through his head.

Over half a year later, Aelin still held on to him, not trusting anyone else. They had bonded over the ripping chasm that Rowan had made when he left and neither of them could make out what the world was anymore.

He pulled onto her street and stopped, hopping out to open her door but stopped when he saw a silver haired man sat on her front steps.

“Stay here, Ace.” She looked up at his words and sobbed, burying her head in her arms, her body shaking.

Rowan stood up, regret rippling through his face and he stepped off the stairs, towards the car to do what, Lorcan didn’t know. He didn’t care either.

Lorcan viciously shoved the heel of his hand in his brother’s chest, sending him staggering back.

“Ow, what the fuck, man?”

“Seriously? You’re gonna ask me that?” He spat the words at him, his face inches from Rowan’s. “Why are you even here?”

“I’m back.”

Lorcan laughed humourlessly and dragged him up, pulling him to the side of the house, out of Aelin’s eyesight. The moment they got around the corner, he slammed Rowan into the side of the house, the building actually shaking. “You’re back? You fucking left and all we got was a fucking post it note. A _post it note_.”

Rowan drew in a breath to speak but Lorcan shoved him again, snarling, “You’re such a bastard. Did you not see what I saw? In that fucking car, _right_ there? You ruined her. She loved you like no other person and you left her. You didn’t even have the balls to say goodbye to her face. You did it through me.

“Do you know what it was like telling her and showing that damn note to her? She didn’t leave her house for weeks unless it was to the liquor store. I made them stop selling to her and then she went to bars, ones I wouldn’t be able to find. Do you know how many times she blacked out and woke up in the hospital? With me, sitting right there. It happened so many times, the hospital knew exactly who it was each time. Apparently, you were still her emergency contact and now it’s me cause you didn’t even bother to pick up your phone.”

He stepped back, incredulous and ran a hand through his hair. “Do you know what it was like for me all these months? I missed you and you wouldn’t even talk to any of us. You abandoned us and we still needed you. ‘Tell Aelin I’m sorry’. What are you even sorry for? Breaking her or making her think you loved her back?”

Rowan opened his mouth to reply, to say _something_ but Lorcan held a hand up _._ “Nothing you say will ever be enough for what you put us through. I held her when she cried over you and she did the same for me. I lost my brother. My oldest and best friend. You told me nothing could sever us, ever. But Aelin lost her person, her rock. You broke her and I had to pick up the pieces-“

“I didn’t ask you to do that, Lorcan. Don’t you dare throw that in my face.”

“Throw it in your face? What the literal fuck? What did you think I was going to do? Leave her there, sobbing on the floor or leave her in the hospital or the back of the ambulance? Her record is up to seven hospilizations in two weeks. I can’t take her to rehab cause she won’t go willingly. Honestly, why did you come back?”

Rowan’s eyes shattered, “Because I miss her. I miss you.”

Lorcan was so angry, he clenched his fists to keep from choking him. “And you think she, _we_ , didn’t miss you every single fucking day you were gone? That’s not good enough, Ro. It’s not and you fucking know that!”

Somebody cleared their voice behind them and they both whirled, Lorcan’s furious expression cracking when he saw Aelin, her hand stretched out. “Come on, let’s go inside.”

Rowan smiled and reached his hand out but she cut him a scathing gaze. “Not you. You can leave, you sure seem to love it a lot.”

She didn’t wait to see his face crumple before turning and striding to her front door, Rowan’s presence instantly sobering.

“You need to leave, Ro. Please, stop being a selfish prick for _once_ in your fucking life and stop playing with her. You’re killing her.”

“Lorcan!” Aelin’s voice was like steel and he stalked off, his anger seeping back into every hard line of his body as he left, not waiting for his brother to speak.

He walked up the stairs, Aelin standing inside the open door, waiting for him. He realized dully, Aelin Galathynius was his best friend.

“I’m sorry.” His brother’s voice sounded from the bottom of the steps and he saw her stiffen and swiftly retreat inside.

Lorcan breathed heavily through his nose and turned ever-so slowly, an icy rage rippling off him in waves.

“Fuck you, Whitethorn.”


	2. Part Two

“You’re actually the worst driver ever, I’m never letting you drive ever again, Lor.” 

“Shut the _fuck_ up, you’re hardly better and don’t you dare tell me otherwise.” 

Aelin snorted as she joined Lorcan on the sidewalk in front of Mistward, their favourite place for breakfasts, sober or drunk or high or hungover. He slung his heavy arm around her shoulder as they strolled to the door, pushing it open and they both inhaled the smell of deliciously greasy food. And home, this diner was home to them, quite literally for Lorcan, his dads owned it and here was where Aelin had met Rowan and the boys.

After Lorcan had left Rowan, standing at on the stone walkway, he had found Aelin, chugging straight from a bottle of gin and he hadn’t reprimanded her, only taking it and swigging for himself. Then, they had sat themselves in front of the TV, completely plastered as they watched some telenovela, not understanding a single word until they eventually passed out on the plush carpet and woke up like that.

Aelin couldn’t ever thank Emrys and Malakai for all they had done for her over the past months. Lorcan pinched her side, his eyes asking a question at the suddenly muddled expression on her face. She smiled, “Just thinking about stuff.”

“Oh, well do you want me to mark the calendar or should I call the prime minister? I’m sure she’d b-OW!” He rubbed his ribs, where she had viciously elbowed him and glared at her. Aelin’s face was the perfect picture of innocence and he got ready to retaliate when Luca popped up, startling them both as his curly brown locks bounced. 

“Hellas below, boyo. It’s like 8:30, lay off of the caffeine.” 

Luca just smiled up at Lorcan, completely innocent, “You know Dad doesn’t let me drink caffeine. He says it’s not “beneficial for me”, whatever that means.”

Lorcan rolled his eyes and Luca turned to Aelin, who was rubbing her temples at the sudden noise. “You never told me Ro was back! I missed that asshole.”

Aelin barked, “Language!” before she took in his words and her eyes widened, instantly filling with tears. “Wait, wait. How do you know he’s back?” 

Lorcan sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes scanning the place before landing on the corner booth, _his and Aelin’s_ corner booth, where Rowan sat beside a woman with wavy brown hair that fell below the table. She sat in one of Rowan’s t-shirts, the one that Lorcan had gotten him one year for his birthday after sneaking them both out to a Linkin Park concert. He could still remember the look on Rowan’s face and the sandal Emrys had whipped at their heads the next morning. Lorcan skin crawled at her wearing a t-shirt he had seen Aelin wear so many times. She had missed it so much, Elide, his wonderful, brilliant, Elide, gave his to her sister one day even though it was her favourite shirt. 

Aelin choked beside him and he turned her away, hugging her as she willed her body to cooperate and keep the tears at bay and he glared at Rowan. The green-eyed man had seen them and a shocked expression marred his tattooed face, the one Lorcan himself had done. The woman beside him held his face in her palms and he could see her asking him if he was ok. 

That broke Rowan out of his trance and Lorcan tore his eyes away, not able to stomach seeing whatever it was anymore. He looked to Luca, confusion swimming in his light brown eyes. “I thought you could all sit together?”

He shook his head and asked as he began to rock Aelin as he felt the wetness of her tears leaked through his shirt. “Hey, is Dad here? I think Ace needs to see him.” 

The young man nodded and ran back to the kitchen. 

“Shh, shh, shh. Ace, you’re ok, babe. I got you.” She whimpered at his whispered words and hugged him tighter. One of the waitresses, Essar, walked over. He nodded at his ex, both happy and friendly towards each other. “Essar’s here, wanna walk with her to the back?”

She nodded and he passed her to Essar, who tucked her under an arm and escorted her around the tables, keeping her from seeing Rowan. And whoever the woman was. 

Lorcan exhaled through his nose and clenched his jaw, waiting until Aelin had walked through the swinging doors before he stormed through the restaurant to the corner booth he and Aelin had occupied too many times but where Rowan and some random woman sat. 

Rowan swallowed as he looked at the murderous expression on his brother’s face, his eyes promising a slow death. “Hey. How are you, Lor?’

“Shut the fuck up. What are you doing? And who in Hellas’ realm is this?” He crossed his arms over his broad chest, his muscles rippling as if showing Rowan he wouldn’t mess around if it came to that. The woman was pretty, he supposed. She had wavy, warm brown hair and chestnut eyes, her skin a pale gold. 

Her eyes revealed fear, as she held a hand out, trembling slightly. “Hi, I’m Lyria. You must be Lorcan, Rowan’s brother. Did he not mention me?” 

Lorcan looked at her outstretched hand with disdain, his upper lip curling in near disgust. He didn’t bother accepting her hand and looked back at Rowan, his murderous expression leveling into a flat one, no emotion showing. “No. He didn’t. Then again, it would have been hard to mention you since he hasn’t spoken to anyone in our family for half a year. Who’s Lyria, Ro?”

Rowan swallowed again, rubbing his hand over his neck and subtly inching away from Lyria. “Um, she’s my girlfriend. We’ve been together for um…”

“Six months, baby. Gods, he’s so forgetful, isn’t he, Lor?”

Lorcan slitted his eyes at her, actual disgust rippling through him at her casual use of his nickname. “Lorcan. My _name_. Is _Lorcan_.” 

She recoiled at the viciousness and tears welled in her eyes. He resisted the urge to smirk at that. “Oh. I’m sorry. It’s just, Ro here talks about you guys so much I feel like I’m already part of the family, you know? He’s always talking about the twins, Gavriel, Vaughan, Aedion, Lysandra, you and Elide. I know you all so well.” He snorted at that and cut Rowan a glare that would have had lesser men fall to the ground. 

“Hmm. Has he ever talked about Aelin?”

“No? Who’s that, baby?”

Rowan flushed, “Oh, she’s an old friend, we kinda grew apart so I don’t tal-”

“Grew apart? Sure, man, whatever makes you sleep at night. I got to go.”

He turned and began stalking for the kitchen, Essar standing, a savage grin carving her face as she watched the take down. 

“It was nice to meet you, Lor!” Lyria’s singsong voice called after him, already the high pitch was grating his ears and he ignored her as he and Essar walked into the kitchen. 

“Gods, she’s annoying,” muttered Essar as they passed Luca, who was desperately trying to reach another order pad. Lorcan took pity on his little brother and grabbed one for him, Luca ripping it from his hands. “I had that, fuckface.”

“Language, Luca!” They both turned to see their father, Malakai standing, looking very menacing in his police uniform. Lorcan smirked at Luca while he blushed, “Sorry, Pops.” 

“Get to work, boyo.” 

Luca needed no prompting, scurrying off to the restaurant. Lorcan and Essar chuckled, “Hi, Pops. Dad upstairs?”

“Yup. Bring this pot of tea, would you? Aelin, that poor girl. Is your idiot brother here?”

“Which one?”

Malakai leveled a piercing gaze at Lorcan who shrank slightly.

“Yessir, he’s in the corner booth with Lyria.” 

His father rolled his eyes, scowling, the face a pure mirror image to Lorcan’s signature facial expression,“Ugh, she’s so annoying, why is she that perky? It’s not even nine o’clock yet. ?She makes me want to taser myself. Ok, shoo, you two. You both have things to do, people to see.” 

Essar and Lorcan both sprung to action, not wanting to earn the berating his father would no doubt dish out. He carefully took the tea pot and walked up the stairs, his long legs able to take them three at a time effortlessly. 

He emerged in the office above, a little kitchen up there. He regarded this place fondly, memories of how he and his brothers would congregate here after practices, Emrys helping them with homework and feeding them and then Malakai would join them and they would all go home to the sprawling house a couple blocks over.

Aelin was curled on her side on a worn leather couch, her eyes closed as tears streamed out and she rested her head in Emrys’ lap. He set the teapot down beside the old one, resting next to two empty mugs.

“Hey, Ace.” He sat on the couch and she uncurled herself, immediately latching herself to him. “Oh, honey. Come here, babe. It’s gonna be ok.” She sobbed and hugged him tighter. 

He shot his father a grateful smile as he slipped away to the kitchen. “Just cry it out, you’ll feel better.”

“No I won’t. I never do. Neither do you, anyway.”

He chuckled despite the situation, at the fact that Aelin was calling him on his bullshit, as per usual. 

“So he has a girlfriend.” 

“Yeah. I hate her. She’s so fucking annoying and perky. Do you know she called me ‘Lor’?”

Aelin leaned off him, her eyes puffy and red, quirking a manicured brow up. “And she’s still living? Have you gone soft, Lorcy?”

His grin grew wicked to match hers, “I figured that 8:30 was a little early for murder. And you know, her blood and body parts would be all over the food and that’s just a waste.” 

“Holy Mala, was it the Mistward special?”

He nodded his head and laughed at the way she started to salivate. “Gods, can you not drool right on me? This is my favourite leather jacket.”

She smirked but grew quiet, not responding with that quick-fire wit that honed his. “We used to split that, you know. Me and him.”

He too, grew quiet, tucking her back into his side. “I know, Ace. I know.”

“It hurts to see him and it hurts when he’s gone. I don’t even know anymore.”

“He has a small dick though so it’s not like you’re missing out on something special or anything.” 

Aelin looked at him, “Not funny. Didn’t laugh.” 

And promptly burst into hysterics, these tears ones of joy as Lorcan joined in. 

“Well, you look like you’re having a good time.”

They sobered instantly at Rowan’s voice and looked up with icy glares at him and Lyria standing at the top of the stairs. 

“Hi, I’m Lyria! It’s so nice to meet you, you must be Elide, right?”


	3. Part Three

Their laughs died immediately when they saw Lyria and Rowan. 

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you, I’m Lyria, Rowan’s girlfriend. You must be Elide, Lorcan’s fiancee, right?”

Lorcan held onto to Aelin tighter, not wishing to see her go apeshit on the poor girl. 

“Um, no. I’m not Elide, I’m-”

Lyria let out a tinkling laugh, the sound bright and happy but it put the two of them on edge, both of them gritting their teeth.

“Lor, you naughty man! Two-timing them, eh?” She smiled like it was an inside joke and winked. 

It was Aelin’s turn to hold Lorcan back, fury etched into everything ethereal line of her face as Lorcan refrained from snarling. “His name is Lorcan. You will call him such.”

She looked slightly taken aback but then laughed that awful laugh again, a fake twinkle in her eyes. Lorcan didn’t trust her. At all. 

He narrowed his eyes at Rowan who looked at him with a helpless expression. 

“Maybe to you, girlie. But we’re family, aren’t we Lor?”

“Who even are you? What’s your name?”

She chuckled and gently chided, “Silly Lor _can_ , it’s Lyr-”

“It’s not important, I don’t really care.”

Lyria gasped and tried to tuck herself into Rowan but he sidled out of the way, staring intensely at the fridge. “Hey, there’s no need to be rude, I was just teasing.”

Lorcan and Aelin shot each other a look and he saw Rowan flinch as he no doubt envisioned the following conversation.

“Let’s look at the facts, Lyria. You’ve barged your way into our private space, accused me of cheating with Elide’s sister, called me by a name multiple people have told you not to, inserted yourself in our family and insulted her by implying she wasn’t a family member.”

Aelin cut in, “Furthermore, I’m sure you saw me looking extremely upset and bothered as I was walking with Essar darling through the restaurant. Now, I’m sure it wasn’t Rowan dear but I could be wrong, it was you who decided to come in here and begin to bother us deeply even though we were working through some personal shit. I’m Aelin Ashryver Galathynius, not that you asked. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lucy, was it?”

“It’s L _yria_.”

“Oops. Now, can y’all please escort yourselves out?”

Lyria gasped but smartly did not argue after seeing the expressions on their faces. She practically shoved Rowan out of the way in her haste to leave. Lorcan furrowed his brow, his gut telling him that something was very, very off about this. He didn’t like it.

They both stared expectantly at Rowan, waiting for him to leave and join his girlfriend. 

“Where are all the pictures?”

Aelin flopped back on the couch, leaning on Lorcan and letting him handle this one. “What do you mean?”

Rowan sighed, irritated. That was rich, Rowan, irritated. “The one of me and you after that game we won and at the Linkin Park concert and our first tattoos. Where’d they go?”

Lorcan stared at him, dumbfounded. “Oh, so it’s all good and chill when you abandon us and leave with four words on a post it note stuck to my truck but when Dad takes down your pictures cause our youngest brother, who just turned fourteen, couldn’t stop crying everytime he saw them cause he missed you that much, it’s crossing a line? Good to know, for future reference.”

Aelin snorted and shook with laughter. He had to resist the overwhelming urge to join in.

“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, it—”

“You didn’t mean to ruin our lives with a fucking post it note? That’s really great, now all these months, we’ve been crying over nothing, did you hear that, Ace?”

“Mala above, would you let me talk? Fuck, man.”

Lorcan gestured rudely to a seat by the table and Rowan took it, his head in his hands. “I know I fucked up. I’ve been doing nothing but fucking up for the past six months but I really did love you, Fireheart. I would never lie about that.”

“I’m not your ‘fireheart’ anymore but please continue. It’s a riveting story, should I make some popcorn or?”

He glared at her sarcasm and turned to Lorcan. “Do you think that maybe this has nothing to do with you so maybe you could leave?”

Aelin handled this one, “And what? Go downstairs and resist the urge to drown himself in the pancake batter to avoid your lovely girlfriend? You owe him an explanation, probably more than me.” 

“You two got really close, huh?”

“Yeah, we bonded over being heartbroken and washing our problems away with booze. We’re what you’d call bestie goals,” she quipped, Lorcan trembling with barely restrained laughter. “We’d love to stay and chat but we’d best be going. We are very important people, things to do, people to see, joints to smoke, you get it.” She stood and hauled Lorcan up, “Come on, bestie. Mary Jane awaits.” 

They strode downstairs passed Rowan, calling out goodbyes through the kitchen, a spoon flying at Lorcan’s head with deadly accuracy as he stole a piece of bacon. “Love you too, Dad!”

They laughed as they stumbled out of the restaurant, the easy smiles wiping off their faces when they saw Lyria sitting in Rowan’s car. 

Lorcan sat in the driver’s seat and they were both quiet as they drove off, Aelin sipping from her coffee mug that was undoubtedly filled with cold coffee. A short drive later, they were pulling up to Aelin’s bookstore/cafe, the Staghorn. “We’re here. Get to work, you degenerate.”

“What about my car, asswipe?”

“Bitch, don’t play. You know I can smell the whiskey in that mug and I saw the bottle in your bag so don’t even. El and I will swing by to pick you up and then we’ll meet the gang, yeah?”

She hugged him, the movement slightly uncomfortable over over the stick shift. “Sounds good. Thanks for last night and today.” She let him go and stepped out of the car, “Love you, babe!”

“Love you too, A and for all the love that is good and pure, drink some fucking water, dumbass!”


	4. Part Four

Five hours later, Lorcan was ready to end it all.

And then in walked Elide, wearing one of his t-shirts that covered her jean cut-offs. On her feet were her Doc Martens, unlaced as always. Her long, dark hair was loose, falling to her waist in waves. “I come bearing sustenance!”

She placed the bag on his work station and walked up behind him at his desk, where he was working on drawing a tattoo for a client. She draped herself over his back, resting her chin on his shoulder. “How was work, baby?”

“If I have to tattoo another 18 year old _child_ , sorority sisters who can only afford me off Daddy’s money and who want matching tattoos or frat boys, I’m going to jam the gun in my eye.”

“Don’t you and your brother’s having matching tattoos?”

“Yeah. What’s your point?”

She chuckled and kissed underneath his ear and then he spun in on his wheely stool and she hopped up onto the table, her legs dangling between his. “Sorry I couldn’t call you with updates. I was with Ace last night.”

“I know, babe. Y’all called me last night, said you were watching a telenovela. How is she?”

She drew his chair closer with her feet when his eyes shuttered.

“Rowan’s back.”

“Fuck.”

Lorcan chuckled at her blunt tone, “Yeah. That was my reaction. He also has a new girl. Lyria or some shit.”

“The nerve of that man. I know he’s your brother and shit but seriously, no mercy.”

“Alright, El. No need to do go full Blackbeak on him.” Her eyes flashed and she slashed her iron nails at him, more aptly called claws.

She growled at him, baring her teeth and he stood, scooping her up as he went. “What’d you bring me?”

“Food, dumbass. Put me down,” she whined, frowning at him. He smiled at her, walking to the table she had placed the bag of food on.

“But I don’t want to.”

He pouted and she twisted her lips to stop from smiling. She held his face in between her hands and leaned in to kiss him.

“Stop.” _Kiss_. “Being.” _Kiss_. “So.” _Kiss_. “Gods.” _Kiss_. “Damned.” _Kiss._ “Cute.”

She pressed her lips to his more fully, “Or I swear I’m going to fall in love with you. Again.”

He kissed her back, slipping his tongue in her mouth to tangle with hers.

“Gods, I think I’m going to barf.”

They chuckled and looked to where they saw Aelin, her golden hair twisted into a long braid that fell over a shoulder. Her turquoise and gold eyes were glazed and Lorcan could tell that she had been drinking all day. Elide squirmed in his arms and he let her down, watching her walk over to her sister and hug her. The blonde collapsed against her and shuddered, the raven haired woman cradling her even though she was half a foot shorter. “I’m so sorry, El. I know you don’t like it when I drink, I didn’t mean to but Rowan’s back and he has a girlfriend.”

“I know, honey. I know. You still coming with us to Moonbeam? We could take you home and I can call Lys, have a little girls night?”

Aelin stood back and shook her head, her eyes wet with unshed tears. She fanned her eyes, exhaling through her mouth. “No, I want to see everyone. Tomorrow night though?”

“Mhmm, we’ll do that. Come along, L! You’re driving,” Elide said in a singsong voice and the sisters laughed as they disappeared down the hall. Lorcan shook his head and laughed, turning off the lights to lock his door behind him and jog slightly to catch up to them.

Soon they were in Aelin’s car, Elide, being the shortest sat in the middle seat in the back. They didn’t talk as he drove through the city to Fenrys and Connall’s bar, parking in a reserved spot and hopping out of the car.

Vaughan saw them and let them pass the line that wrapped around the block. “Hey, guys. I’ll be in as soon as my shifts over.”

Lorcan nodded and then they walked in, seeing Aedion and Lysandra by the bar, Fenrys talking animatedly while Connall helped patrons with their orders and elbowed Fenry, trying to get some help. It was futile.

They strolled through the crowded floor area and sat in the barstools Aedion and Lys had saved. “Hey guys, what y’all drinking?”

Aedion held up his fruity drink and Lysandra flashed her blood red cocktail. Aelin and Lysandra hugged, the green eyed woman whispering words to low for him to hear. He leaned against the counter beside where Elide was sitting, “What’ll it be, baby?”

She hummed as she surveyed the people around them, waiting for something to catch her cunning gaze. “Hmm, I’ll take an old fashion.”

He kissed her softly, “That’s my girl.”

She smirked and kissed him back, pulling away when Fenrys gagged. “Fuck off, Moonbeam. Anyway, I’ll have a whiskey old fashion, last time you gave me brandy and I got so fucked. Lor’ll have whatever his brooding ass wants.”

He laughed and slung his arm around her waist, Elide smiling brightly at him. “I’ll just get a gin and tonic.”

“You got it!” Said Fenrys as Elide coughed, the sound suspiciously sounding like ‘bitch ass’. He pinched her side and she yelped, glaring at him but it melted when he kissed her slowly.

“Gods, can you not? This is a public area!”

They both turned to glare at Aelin and she grinned at them. “Barkeep!”

Fenrys flipped her off but Connall came to help, smiling easily at them. “You called, your majesty?”

“Well, hello there. I’m sure I would’ve remember a man this pretty. I’d like a mojito, good sir.”

Connall nodded and went to make it, Lorcan leaning over the polished cherry wood bar, flecked with scars and shiny. “Don’t tell Ace but make it virgin.” He nodded wisely and went back to making it.

Lorcan sat back, his arm around Elide as she held onto the hand hanging off her shoulder and they conversed with Aelin, Aedion and Lysandra.

His eyes scanned the bar, the low lighting making it difficult but he could spot that silver head of hair anywhere. “Hey, El. Can you come with me for a sec?”

She looked up at him in question but nodded when she saw the conflicting look in his eyes.

They strolled to the secluded alcove and he leaned her against it, dropping his head to her neck, looking for all the world he just wanted to have her. “Look over my shoulder, back corner.”

He tracked her eyes and watched the warm darkness turn into an unyielding storm, her face never changing except for a delicate flare of her nose. “Whitethorn. Is that the girl?”

“Mhmm, yeah. Lyria. She’s annoying as fuck, babe.”

“I believe you. Why is she like that? Something’s off about this.”

He marveled at her deduction skills and kissed her neck, still playing a part. Well sort of. “That’s what I thought.”

“What’s the plan? Tell Ace or just be quiet? Fuck,” she tilted his head up. “He’s walking to the bar.”

He swore and then they both stalked back over to the bar, Elide stepping in front of Rowan’s path. She plastered a cunning grin on her face, her canines flashing. Her eyes held a savage edge. “Rowan, how are you, love? We missed you!”

Aelin heard her sister speak and Lorcan could see her hackles raise. She shot him a helpless look and he snuck around Rowan, blocking Aelin from him.

By this time, Rowan’s face was a scarlet red as Elide continued to ask him probing questions. She shifted her piercing gaze from him to over his shoulder. “And who’s this? She’s a looker, Whitethorn!”

Sure enough, it was Lyria, glaring daggers at Elide as she approached him and wrapped a hand around his upper arm. “And who exactly are you?”

Lorcan whipped his head around, warning flaring in his eyes as he saw Elide slit her eyes for a split second, analyzing the way Rowan and Lyria stood, becoming more suspicious by the second. Her lips spread into a charming grin, if you looked closely enough, you’d see the sharp shadows of iron teeth that her ancestors once wore proudly. Or so the legends said.

“Hi, I’m Elide, Lorcan’s fiancee. It’s a pleasure to meet you…?”

The brunettes tone was sharp, “Lyria. And let me guess, Rowan never talked about me to you, either.”

Elide met Rowan’s eyes, reading the panic and helplessness in the pine green colour. “Well, Rowan and I haven’t talked since he moved, actually! We’ve both been rather busy, it seems. It’s lovely to finally meet Rowan’s girlfriend.”

“Fiancée.”

The rest of the gang choked but Elide kept her cool, the light catching on the pear shaped diamond glinting on Lyria’s left hand. She couldn’t deny that it was a spectacular ring but she also couldn’t deny the fact that it overpowered her and the only person she saw pulling it off was Aelin.

“Oh, congratulations! That’s a beauty of a ring, Ro here does have amazing taste. When did he propose?”

Lyria seemed to relax, softening her claw like grasp on Rowan’s arm. “Just today! We’re here to celebrate.” She looked down at the ring, greed flashing in her chestnut eyes. “I agree, he has spectacular taste but he’s not so good at hiding things! You should’ve seen his face when I found this one in a beautifully carved wooden box, these amazing kingsflames engraved. It also had the last kingsflame ever to bloom encased in a resin casting, dating back to Brannon Galathynius’ reign! Ain’t that something?”

Elide jumped slightly when Aelin slammed her glass down on the bar, the ice rattling. She turned to see her glare at Rowan, her eyes revealing the deepest betrayal. The box had been Aelin’s most prized possession and she had loved it so.

She hadn’t been able to find it for quite sometime and Lorcan remembered finding her crying one night over it. Realization dawned on him and his gaze shot back to Rowan, the ring must’ve been for Aelin. He confirmed Lorcan’s suspicions in his pine eyes as Aelin ran outside, tears streaming from her eyes.

Rowan quickly shook off Lyria’s hand, following Aelin out the door. He ignored Lyria cry of his name as he exited, the night air biting.

“Aelin…”

She whirled, her hair flying out and he stumbled at the viciousness in her electric eyes. He could also see a crushing sadness. “I can’t believe you gave it to her.”

“Ae—“

She wrapped her arms around herself, shivering and she retreated a step when he walked forward. “Can you please just go? I can’t stand to look at you anymore. So, please,” her voice broke and the sound of it shattered his heart. 

“Just go.”


	5. Part Five

“Aelin, babe? You awake?”

Elide and Lysandra stepped into Aelin’s house, seeing the trail of the clothes she had been wearing last night on the floor, leading up the stairs.

“Oh, shit. Is she here with someone?” Lysandra’s whispered was answered with a wailing sob and they dropped their bags, running to her room.

She was on her bed, buried under a pile of blankets, her head nested into her plethora of pillows.

Aelin looked up at them when they burst into her room, frantically looking around. When they found her, in the middle of the room, they sighed, breathing heavily.

“Shit, bitch. I fucking sprained a lung for this, I thought you were dying,” said Elide, panting as she leaned over.

Aelin sniffled and wiped her nose, flipping Elide off with her free hand. “Fuck off, I ca—“

She sobbed and fell back on her bed, her sister and Lysandra climbing in under the blankets beside her and hugging her. Aelin cuddled into Elide and let them both hold her.

“He gave that box to her. The box, my mom gave it to me and I said I would never lose it and then I did and I lost Rowan at the same time to the same girl.”

They didn’t say anything, merely just let her say what she wanted, needed to say in the moment.

“I thought that was it, you know? We had stopped playing and messing around and finally told each other everything and then the next day, Lorcan showed me that note and then everything happened.”

She breathed in shakily, her lips trembling. Tears pooled in her turquoise and gold eyes, “We were supposed to go on our first date that night. And I still showed up. I went to the restaurant and waited there. For hours. And I texted him and called him but he wouldn’t answer. He didn’t pick up the phone to deal with the mess he had made and when I went home that night, I promised I would find a way to stop loving him.”

Aelin nestled further into the arms of Elide and Lysandra. “Booze was the easiest way and cheapest. And I know I hurt people, I hurt you guys and Lorcan. Gods, I hurt him the most of all.”

She cried and buried her face in Elide’s shoulder. “He was hurting too and he was heartbroken just like me but I made him take care of my stupid ass and I know without him, I would’ve died a long time ago. He needed me just as much as I needed him and I couldn’t help him. Hold on to him, El. He’s good for you.”

“I know, A.”

Aelin sat up, a serious edge in her eyes, her face hard. “No. _Promise_ me you won’t let it get fucked up cause he makes you happy and you make him happy. You guys deserve it. You all deserve to be happy.”

Lysandra sat up too and gingerly placed a hand on Aelin’s arm. “You deserve to be happy too, Aelin.”

The blonde shook her head sadly, looking down at her scarred hands. “I don’t know about that, Lys. I don’t know if I can be happy.”

Elide sat up as well, taking one of Aelin’s hands. “We all deserve to be happy. And it’s hard, babe. It’s hard to be happy and learn to live without the pain and the sadness. I get it. What L and I have, what Lys and Aedion have and what you had with Ro, it’s scary. It terrifies me and you will always think that someone is going to take it away. That never goes away. But it’s worth it, happiness is worth it and you’ll find it. I promise you will find it.”

Aelin cracked and stared weeping, tears dripping onto the bedspread. “I want to find it. I promise you, I want it. But I’m scared.”

Lysandra tucked her into her side, rubbing soothing circles over her back. “I know, Ace. We know that. We were all scared too. I’m still scared.”

Elide’s phone started to ring and Lysandra nodded, mouthing, ‘I got this’ to her and she slipped off the bed, walking quickly to her bag downstairs.

She grabbed the phone and picked up, not seeing who had called.

“Hello?”

“Baby, it’s me. I’m at work and Ro was here and he told me some crazy shit. He told me everything and we need to tell her, it’s so big and I do—“

“L, love, slow down, start from the top. What did he tell you?”

“Everything Lyria said is a lie, it’s all a lie. She lied so she could get him to go back to Doranelle and she’s been bullshitting the last half a year.”

“How?”

Aelin and Lysandra walked out of her room and stood at the top of the stairs, watching Elide speak in hushed tones.

Her sister let out a strangled gasp and her phone dropped from her hand, smashing onto the floor and the screen shattered.

They ran down the stairs and Aelin grabbed Elide’s arm and Elide turned, panic and shock warring in her dark eyes.

She could read the question in Aelin’s lightning blue eyes and Lysandra’s piercing green ones.

“It’s a lie. All of it.”


	6. Part Six

Lorcan really did not want to be here today but he knew if he had stayed home, he would’ve gone crazy. 

He unlocked the door of his tattoo shop and locked it behind him, not flipping the sign to say open. 

Wednesdays were his one day that he didn’t open the shop and he would catch up on client drawings and other housekeeping duties. 

He walked to his office and hung up his jacket, placing his motorcycle helmet on a stool. His dark eyes, like liquid obsidian, were caught on the drawing on his table, a table made for architectures but Elide had gotten him it the first day of owning his shop. 

The tattoo he was working on was a monster, on a person it would cover an entire side of their torso, shoulder to hip and it would crawl over part of their back. 

It was a passion project, one he had started the day it finally sunk in that Rowan wasn’t coming home. He realized dully as he took a long swig of his spiked coffee that it was a tattoo for Rowan and he hoped one day he could ink it on his brother. 

He sat down and stared at it for a while, the creeping knowledge that it was a piece of his shredded heart he would gladly give to his brother weighing on him. It wasn’t a shocking revelation but it settled heavily on him. 

Lorcan opened the drawer and fished out a pencil, sharpening it and beginning to continue the drawing, not really having any control of where his hand moved. 

It was a while before he finally stretched and noticed his phone ringing. 

He didn’t recognize the number and picked up, “Hello?”

His brother’s voice came through the other side. “Hey, it’s me. I, uh. Can we meet up? I want to talk.”

He sighed, rubbing his face with a hand, “Yeah, I’m at the shop, can you meet me here?”

“Yep, I’ll be down in a few, I’m at home right now.”

“Alright, see you soon.” Lorcan hung up the phone and placed it on his desk, staring in a daze at it. He quickly snapped out of his trance and drained his mug, standing up and stretching, carefully rolling the drawing up, he wasn’t ready to share it with anyone just yet, definitely not Rowan. He wondered briefly if he would ever be ready. 

He shrugged off the question and stalked out to the front room, a knock sounding on the glass door. 

Lorcan opened it and let Rowan through. 

They did a little dance before deciding to walk back to Lorcan’s office. 

Rowan sat on the stool and Lorcan sat back down in his chair, his arms crossed. 

Rowan was leaning on his knees, his head in his hands. “I’m so sorry, Lor, You don’t know how sorry I am and how guilty I’ve felt since I left that fucking note.” He sniffled and wiped his eyes, tears pooling. 

“Take off your shirt.”

His head shot up, confusion swimming in his face. “What?”

Lorcan rolled his eyes, “I want to fill in your tattoo, dumbass. You can tell your story while I work, yeah?”

Rowan nodded and stood, pulling his t-shirt off smoothly and waitin while Lorcan wiped down the chair and then gestured for him to sit as he got bottles of ink and needles ready. 

“You ready?”

Rowan nodded, “Yeah, go for it.”

Lorcan switched on the gun and soon the room was filled with the gentle buzzing and soft inhales of pain from Rowan. 

“I dated her in university. All four years. It was pretty serious and I guess she thought we were endgame or something.”

Lorcan nodded, remembering meeting the brunette once in passing. He hadn’t liked her then either. 

“She took it pretty hard when I broke up with her and tried for months to get me to move back to Doranelle. Then I met Aelin and the gang and just everything felt like it was working out.” 

He closed his eyes tightly as Lorcan went over a sensitive area. “I got sent back about eight months or so ago, do you remember I was gone for a couple weeks?”

“Yeah, I remember, man.” 

“Well Lyria found out I was back and invited me out for drinks one night. I was lonely cause I missed y’all and Aelin so I said yes and we went out.” 

Lorcan groaned, “Fuck man. You slept with that bitch, didn’t you?”

Rowan hung his head, “Yeah. We had a fling while I was there and before I left I told her we could never do it again and she,” he let out a large breath, “did not take it well, to say the least. She was crying and shit but I just got the fuck out of there.”

He winced again when Lorcan filled another spot, wiping the excess away with an anti-septic pad. “I got home and then just the next couple weeks was me and Aelin finally stopping our bullshit and the night I told her I loved her and I was in love with her, Lyria called me. She sounded really freaked out and was crying and everything.” 

Lorcan paused, pulling the gun off of Rowan’s tanned skin, looking him straight in the eyes. “She told me she was pregnant.”

“Fuck. _Shit_ , Ro.” 

“So obviously, I wasn’t just gonna abandon them and I told her I was coming back and would get my own place cause I still knew we couldn’t be together.

“She freaked out, screaming that our child wasn’t going to grow up in a broken home and if I was coming back, I had to be fully committed. And so I agreed, she wouldn’t have let me meet the kid if I didn’t. I didn’t know what to do so I just ran, I packed all my shit and got on the first flight to Doranelle, I couldn’t face you guys.” 

The tears pooling in his eyes finally fell and Lorcan put the gun down, hugging Rowan as he cried. “I know what I did, L. I know how fucked up everything got because of me and I will never stop feeling guilty. Elide fucking chased me down at the airport, I still have no fucking clue how she did it, that girl is a witch man.” 

Lorcan chuckled, “It’s fucking crazy, man. She knows everything about everything.”

Rowan laughed drily, “She’s terrifying, I swear I almost pissed myself when she caught up to me, I was so sure she would curbstomp me with her platform Docs.”

Lorcan laughed the laugh only Rowan, Elide and on occasion Aelin had ever been able to worm out of him, fully joyous and true. “I know, right?” 

They laughed for a little while longer but then Rowan became solemn faced and they quieted. 

“The day I got there, she told me she had lost the baby and was inconsolable. My first reaction was relief cause I could go home but then she wouldn’t stop crying. She wouldn’t leave the house or her room and would cry at everything. I asked to see ultrasound pictures but she wouldn’t show them to me and she said it was too hard.” 

“Dude. This bitch is lying!”

Rowan glared at Lorcan, “You don’t think I know that, asshole? I’m not that stupid. She stopped crying the next day and dismissed all my questions. She then acted like we were back together and when I said that I needed to go back home, she started getting “depressed” again and threatened to kill herself. I didn’t know what to do and when she eventually calmed down and stopped being fucking _insane_ , I felt too guilty and stayed because I couldn’t face Aelin or you after what I did.”

Lorcan hugged his brother again, his blood boiling at all Lyria had done. “Hellas, Ro. I’m sorry, man.”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault or anyone’s but hers and mine. I got your calls. I listened to every single voicemail and then you stopped and I just went blank. Nothing anyone said shocked me. I was flat and just stopped doing anything. It was like I was a robot, just doing the motions but not feeling or thinking anything. The only thing I saw was your face. A lot of the time, A’s too but mostly yours. I knew what your face looked like and it ruined me, the knowing that everyday away I was breaking your heart all over again.” 

He could feel Rowan’s tears soaking his shirt but didn’t acknowledge it, letting Rowan cry and holding him, just holding him. “She kept on nagging me and asking me to let her meet you guys and eventually I couldn’t take it anymore, I just booked tickets and then we were back in Orynth. The ring was for Aelin, I kept it in that box Aelin had and then she went through my shit and found it and I couldn’t say anything and she had already put it on and told literally everyone we know and now I’m here.”

Lorcan stood, walking over to his desk and taking the rolled up drawing. 

“What’s that?”

He cleared his throat, “I started working on it the day I realized you weren’t coming home. It was just my way of coping, you know? Ace drank and forgot, I took care of her and remembered. Clients would see it and ask me to ink it on them but I would say no. I kinda realized today that I was drawing it for you.”

He looked up to see Rowan’s shocked face, shame still floating in his emerald eyes. “Really?”

“Yeah, you wanna see it? You don’t have to get it or anything, you can just look at it.”

His brother nodded and he unrolled it, turning it and handing it to Rowan, “It’s not done, I still have a couple things I wanna add.”

Rowan was silent, admiration and love shining in the tears that lined his eyes again. “Lorcan,” he looked to his brother, “this is amazing. _Will_ you tattoo it? This is so good.”

“You really want it?” He nodded. “Then yeah, once it’s finished, I’ll ink it.” 

Rowan stood and the tears fell again as he put the drawing down and hugged Lorcan. “Ugh, Ro. Stop crying. You know how I feel about crying.”

“Shut the fuck up man, I know for a fact that you cried more than Elide when you proposed to her.” 

He scoffed and shoved Rowan, “Put your shirt back on and of course I did. She’s stone cold, you know that.”

They laughed as they made their way to the small kitchen Lorcan had set up in his shop and they started pulling food and ingredients out of the fridge and pantry, working in complete harmony. 

“I missed you, Ro.”

“I missed you too, L.”


	7. Part Seven

“She’s really coming?” **  
**

“Yeah, that’s what El said.”

Rowan breathed out slowly, raking his hands through his silver hair, his eyes wide and panicked. “Shit, shit. Wh-wha-what do I say? Is she even gonna listen or talk?”

His breathing became fast and erratic, his hands shaking and Lorcan gripped his shoulders tightly, “Ro, man, you need to calm down. Aelin will do whatever she wants but Elide said she promised to listen. You and I both know if she promises E, she’ll do it. I don’t know anything about talking but she’ll listen, ok?”

Rowan nodded, closing his eyes and breathing in and out slowly, calming his heart. “Ok, ok. Shit, I’m nervous, L.”

Lorcan let his hands fall, hitting the back of his brother’s head. “You should be, you broke her heart with a post it note and gave her family heirloom to some random chick, dumbass.” 

Rowan opened his mouth to say something back but the door of the shop opened and they heard familiar whispered tones. 

“You promised me, A.”

“Yeah but I don—”

“I _do not_ care. Do it for me.”

They heard a tortured sigh and then, “Fine. You know I’d do anything for you.”

Lorcan turned to Rowan whose face was bone white. “You ready?”

“No.”

He chuckled mirthlessly. “Too late, Ro. Good luck.”

He stood and opened the door, popping his head out where he saw Elide, Lysandra and Aelin standing in the waiting room of his shop. Aelin was pouting at Elide, trying to plead her way out of it but Elide cut her a scathing look and she stopped pouting, huffing and crossing her arms. She turned her head and saw Lorcan, “Now?”

He nodded, “Yep. Let’s go, stop being a pussy.”

She stalked towards him, pinching his side viciously, “Go fuck yourself, Salvaterre or better yet, do something useful and get me food.”

Her words and voice were cocky but he could read the fear and dread in her bloodshot eyes, stepping out and pulling her to the side, “Ace, really, if you can’t do this, we’ll go home, ok? You owe him nothing and no one’s forcing you.”

“Try telling that to your fiancee.” 

He made a face at her and she rolled her eyes, “I’m fine, I can do it.”

She pushed past him, walking into the room but then she stopped, a hand on the doorframe, “I really meant it about that food so chop chop, Lorcy.”

He snarled and she laughed as she closed the door behind her and he stalked to the front of the shop, briefly hugging Lysandra. “How was she?”

His green eyed friend sighed, flipping her dark hair over her shoulder. “Oh, you know. Heartbroken and hungover but what’s new.”

He chuckled as they walked out of the shop, strolling down the street, Elide coming up beside him and slipping her hand into his. Lorcan smiled down at her and stopped to kiss her softly. She smiled and pulled back, tugging his hand as she walked to catch up with Lysandra who stood at the entrance to the Faliq Bakery. 

“Come along, lovebirds, breakfast awaits.” 

Elide laughed, letting go of his hand to loop her arm through Lysandra’s as the two of them waltzed through the door, spying Nesryn at their usual table. “Hey, Ryn. How are you, babe?”

Nesryn grinned, sipping from her coffee before she put it back in the saucer. “I’m good, I heard Whitethorn was back? With a new girl?”

Lysandra sat down and rolled her eyes, sighing. “Oh, that. Yeah, he got back two days ago.”

Nesryn raised her perfectly manicured eyebrows, shock showing in her warm, dark eyes. “How’s A?”

Elide took the chair across from her and smiled sadly, “She’s, well. A’s doing as well as we expected. It’s been hard and this is definitely a shock to her and she’s trying.” 

The black haired woman stretched her hand across the table and squeezed Elide’s, nodding slightly. Elide breathed out shakily, tears pooling in her eyes but she blinked them away, biting her lip. 

Lorcan pressed a kiss to the crown of her head, asking her softly, “Coffee, E? Or tea?”

She tilted her head back, smiling up at him. “Tea, always.”

He grinned back at her, asking Lysandra and Nesryn what they wanted before walking up to the counter, his low voice traveling through the shop to her ears. Elide smiled to herself and then turned to Nesryn and Lysandra, the three of them easily falling into the conversation of close friends. 

  
A mug of steaming tea was placed in front of her and she tilted her head to the side, looking up at Lorcan. He smiled down at her and gave Lysandra and Nesryn their drinks. He didn’t sit and she quirked a brow up.

“I have to go do some things for the shop and Nox is complaining about his needles again so I have to deal with that. I’ll see you at home later, yeah?”

Elide nodded, winding a hand around his neck to pull him down for a sweet kiss, one that he sighed into, melting under her lips. “Bye, baby.”

He smiled and then he was gone, walking out of the cafe. 

Lorcan was in the middle of a tense conversation with his supplier when his phone rang and he motioned he had to take it. Asterin rolled her eyes and nodded, indicating he could take it. 

He picked it up, not noticing who had called. “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me. I want to go home now.”

He sighed, rubbing his temple, “Ace, I’m in a meeting, I can’t come right now.”

“Tell them it’s an emergency because I can’t be in the same place as him anymore, ok? I listened like I promised and now he’s done so I want to leave. Please?”

Her words were fierce but he could hear the tremble in her voice and said, “I’ll be there in a few, yeah? Just sit in the kitchen or something.”

“Yeah.”

Aelin ended the call and he put his phone in his pocket, standing, “Rin, as much as I hate to end such a lovely talk, I gotta go.”

Asterin stood too, walking with him to the front of her shop. “It’s fine, I have another meeting. And you can tell Nox my needles are top tier and he’s just a shit artist.”

He snorted, “Bye, Blackbeak.”

She flipped him off as he left the store, stalking back to his shop, only a couple blocks away. He got there quickly, the shop eerily quiet when he entered and walked to the back, opening his door to see Rowan still sitting there, staring at the floor. He rose his head when the door opened. He shook his head and Lorcan stepped in, closing the frosted glass behind him. “Shit, I’m sorry, Ro. She didn’t say anything?”

“She told me I deserved it and then stayed quiet the rest of the time.”

“Fuck. I’m really sorry, man.”

Rowan grunted, anger flashing in his eyes. “She’s right, I did so many shitty things to her and this is what I get.”

“Rowan, it’s not that you deserve it, ok? You don’t deserve this. A doesn’t know how to deal with this, she just started getting better and then you came back with her and she feels like all the progress she’s made is getting wiped away and she’s scared and hurt and, yes, she’s really fucking angry, ok? She’s not gonna forgive you with one conversation, if you want this to work—”

Rowan stood, crowding him, fury rippling off him. “Want this? You think I don’t want this?”

Ire flared in Lorcan and he couldn’t back down,“I don’t know what the fuck you want anymore and I can’t even tell who you are anymore ‘cause this is not my brother, this is not the guy I grew up with so I don’t know, Rowan. Nobody knows. You didn’t just hurt me and Aelin, alright? Everybody is hurt, everyone’s life was turned upside down when you left and you can’t just come back, with the girl who helped ruin everything, and expect everyone to just get over it, least of all Aelin. So yeah, _if this is what you want_ , you have to work because she’s not gonna give you her heart that easily again.”

Rowan ran his hand through his hair, dismay settling on his face. “Fuck, I fucked everything up, gods. I’ll just go, I’ll see you later, I need to think for a while.”

He passed Lorcan who asked him, “Where are you going?”

“Ending it with Lyria and then I don’t know.”

“What am I supposed to tell Aelin? You’re leaving, again?”

That made him stop, half out the door, his hand on the doorknob. Rowan slowly turned to him, the deepest pain in his eyes, “Tell Aelin that I love her, to whatever end and I’m waiting until she’s ready. Tell her that I’m sorry for everything I did and tell her she knows where to find me if she wants to. Tell her that I will never forgive myself for breaking her heart and will never stop being sorry for it. Lorcan, I’m sorry. I will never stop feeling guilty for hurting you and I hate that I did that. Aelin knows where I am if she wants to find me. I love you, brother.”

Lorcan nodded, not able to say it but letting it show in his eyes.

He tilted his head back to stop the tears from falling and he heard the door close, his brother’s footsteps growing quieter and quieter until he heard the bell attached to his door ring twice and Rowan was gone, again. He sat down on his chair, head in his hands. 

Some time later, the door opened and he rose his head, seeing Aelin stand in the doorframe, a ice wrath making the blue of her eyes seem like a winter storm, cold and unforgiving. “I’m going after him.”


End file.
